When you are just a little kid you have so many hopes, dreams, and nice thoughts that occupy your mind... Thoughts that one day you will be a grown up person with the right to choose what's right and what's wrong for you...
When I was 8, I was full of emotions. If you could just enter my mind, you would go crazy with the beautiful colors that I created for my own... I was just an ordinary girl who loved music.
Music was all of me, in every tone I used to find me, my voice, my spirit, my breath. Inspired by music leaders like Chopin, Beethoven, List, I asked my mom to help me get into a music school. It was the time when I hoped to play on stages of all countries giving my emotions to people, hoping that music could give them a harmony of soul.
I was just 8 but music could take me far away with nostalgic drive, and it created me from head to toe, music was the master of my soul. I did my best in school, playing all the time, my neighbors used to go insane, but I didn't care, cause I found me inspired by nothing else but piano. It was the end of the year when my teacher asked my mom to come to school. Mom asked me to stay out and wait, I was so anxious, they were going take me to a junior musicians' concert in Germany. I came close to the door and tried to listen what they were talking about. What I heard changed my life, every step, every minute, and the way I could lead my future life.
"She is a nice girl, she is only 8 but she has dreams about becoming a musician more than anyone else. You should know that it is impossible, she should come down to earth, her fingers are so short she can never play the piano. You should try something else for her," said the teacher.
I can't tell right now what happened to me. Imagine an 8-year-old girl trembling all over her body in front of an old classroom, full of tears and watching her dreams flying out of her in pieces like a torn paper that was useless. I touched my knees automatically, to make sure I could still feel them. I didn't sleep that night thinking of what had happened and crying to death. I never told my mother that I heard their conversation. Oh, my sweet mother, you never told me about that, you were so afraid to break my inner world. Years passed, I couldn't come close to the piano, though my parents hired a professor who used to give me classes, but I didn't even want to touch the keyboard.
So my hopes were broken and I was all alone in bad times, I couldn't smell the music so tenderly any more. When I was 16 I had to choose where to study. I entered the Linguistic University after Bryusov, with a secret hope of finding music again. I found it only in languages, trying to hear the music in a language and vice versa - discovering the language of music. I never became a musician, but I was proud of having me in a new way of self-expression.
Now I am 21-year-old. I am a girl who knows what is important in life and discovers it every day with no fear of being broken down again. I have my own truth and I believe in me, no one can tell me to leave my dreams again. I am a girl of my own, and I am honored to have the character of a grown-up person. When I look back I see the little me crying there in that school helpless like a bird with no wings, and then I find myself grown-up now, 21-year-old girl, with ambitions of no fear, a girl who knows her place in life.
Whatever happens, however life treats us, we should be strong. Every kid has a talent which one day may enrich our society with good specialists if only give them a chance... I'm having my master's in international journalism, and I believe that even if my piano dream stayed there in front of that room forever, because of not having long fingers, anyway my fingers can be so strong that I can play my music discovering the truth in writing and giving some use to the world that belongs to all of us...
Mariam Ohanyan is a student at International Journalism Department of YSLU after V. Brusov